Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
