I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
