He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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