A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
