i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
