I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
