I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
