just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
