She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
