ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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