I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
