her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm really busy with my period
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