I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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