the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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