i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
