goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
