you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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