And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
