There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
