ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize