I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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