i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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