Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
