my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
