he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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