I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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