I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
