I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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