Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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