she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
