Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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