Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
