The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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