I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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