so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
