Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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