i just wanna soil my oats bro
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
