We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
