JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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