if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
