I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
