what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
