wakey wakey hands off snakey
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
