Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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