why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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