she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
