I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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