I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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