You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
