She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
