dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
