it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize