his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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