apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
