If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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