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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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