I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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