I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
