We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Come share oat with me in your robe
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
