just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize