whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just high enough for therapy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
