Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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