Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
