I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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