The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
