I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
