tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
