I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
