I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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