its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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