So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
