It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
