So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
