Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
