Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
