it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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