The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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