you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
