Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
