I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
