Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
