At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
