i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
