He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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