how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
