Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize