I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
