we have pet lesbian snakes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
