ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
