so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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