I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
