Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
