Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
